(photo a day) november 7, 2011

(photo a day) november 6, 2011

garret on the phone with grandpa bob.

(photo a day) november 5, 2011

grandma at monkey and the crowbar's performance at the lager house in latham, ny.

(photo a day) november 4, 2011

my desk.

boxed in.

it's interesting how things i used to think were inherently true about "grown ups" and (therefore i suppose i assumed would be true about me) are either falsehoods or they aren't necessarily "the way".

i'm quitting my job at the end of this month, moving out of new york city and into a cabin in the woods.  it's not as crazy as it seems when i put it that way in one sentence, but nevertheless, it's monumental within my life.

it doesn't feel like i'm throwing caution to the wind by moving out of my stable job and into a town i don't really know to pursue freelance (read: unstable) work and focus on my art.  i think to some [more responsible?] people i am throwing caution to the wind.  to me i feel like maybe i'm throwing precaution to the wind, but not caution?

i'm not as worried as i was even three years ago about certain words ("job related to your major" "entertainment industry") and things i always thought would be especially important to me.  three years ago i was sure i was the type that craved structure, aka a desk job.  notebooks, organization, dependability!  they were things i was good at and therein i guess i assumed those were things i needed to have consistently in my life.

i think what i need to do at this moment in time - which is terrifying - is to do something i'm not that good at - navigate a less dependable lifestyle and pursue the things that make me feel really alive, even if they are challenging or scary or uncharted.

i came out of college with a lot of assumptions about the world, and a lot of assumptions about how people in the world were operating - especially people who were operating in ways that were converse to how i perceived i would operate as a future self.  i think part of the growth i've gone through and am continuing to go through means accepting that i wasn't right about a lot of stuff.  it's kind of scary to accept because the wrongness of my assertions (upon myself and probably upon friends) over the past couple of years stick to me like an embarrassing revelation.  they make me feel awkward and kind of like i've been an asshole all this time.  it's something i just need to get over, accept, move on from, and and at the same time maybe, embrace.

mid-twenties crisis.

all these babies that keep growing and first, second, third wedding anniversaries on facebook are like "OH WHAT?" because i'm still like, sitting in the same living room clicking the same facebook page while all this time is passing...

facebook: creating mid-twenties crises for laptop dwelling girls everywhere.

cupboard challenge: night three

on sunday, i went through my cupboard and pulled everything out and decided to challenge myself to use at least one item i already had each night this week.  subsequently i went to the store and picked up about $30 of supplemental fresh items.  let's do this, cupboard!

night three: oops.

knot cool

(pssst:  a lot of the time when i go to theknot.com to look up stuff for the wedding i'm maid of honor in, i end up finding pictures of things i'd really like at my wedding.)

(pssst: also i'm not engaged yet so i technically am not planning a wedding!)

(pssst: fun to look, though!)

thirty days

the other day i saw this video while browsing wimp.com.  i immediately felt inspired by what was being said - and the idea that thirty days isn't that long, but could prove what a difference something i've been meaning to add to my life could actually meaningfully make in my life.  then at the end of those thirty days, i could either decide to integrate it into my life, or leave it behind - no harm done! it was only a month.

so i got really inspired about thinking about working out every day.  how would it transform me?  what would it mean to my future?

but i keep telling myself... okay... the thirty days... starts... tomorrow!

now i feel like i might be doomed to experience thirty days of thirty days starting tomorrow.  damn you, ted.

the empty track that i'm not running on.

d

cupboard challenge: night two

on sunday, i went through my cupboard and pulled everything out and decided to challenge myself to use at least one item i already had each night this week.  subsequently i went to the store and picked up about $30 of supplemental fresh items.  let's do this, cupboard!


night two: meatless burgers and pasta salad


from the cupboard/freezer:  meatless burgers, half a box of rotini, bbq sauce
bought: italian dressing, rolls (also used for sandwiches), swiss cheese (also used for sandwiches), mushrooms

cupboard challenge: night one

on sunday, i went through my cupboard and pulled everything out and decided to challenge myself to use at least one item i already had each night this week.  subsequently i went to the store and picked up about $30 of supplemental fresh items.  let's do this, cupboard!

night one: pad thai

used:  pad thai sauce from cupboard, one egg from fridge, vegetable oil from cupboard

bought:  chicken, scallions, lime wedges, cilantro, rice noodles

cupboard challenge

IT IS SO HOT OUT.

now that i got that out of the way...

g's working today, and in that IT IS SO HOT OUT save for one quick spin murgs and i took around the block, i've pretty much been sitting indoors all day. i've watched a few true crime shows, was disappointed to see that the episode of 'say yes to the dress' was one i had already seen, and i attempted to clean but got bored.

in that it's sunday, and i have all this spare time to sit here and think, i got to thinking about the week ahead. because i may or may not have spent far too much money buying myself an entire new wardrobe of undergarments yesterday (what? a girl's gotta have a few good bra's - am i right, ladies?) i really can't afford to allow us to fall into our normal workweek trap of not planning meals and oops! going out to dinner yet again.

so, it's a grocery shopping day. now ordinarily, i would have grabbed my bag, left the house, and ended up at the store where i would - using the selection on their shelves - dream up five nights worth of meals. in that it's a million degrees out, i'm not overly jazzed to go to the store, so in an attempt to convince myself i don't really have to, i opened the cupboard to see what i have to work with.

this thing is full. it's filled with stuff purchased who knows when that still hasn't been used. so! i'm enacting a challenge upon myself. tonight, i'm going to go to the store to buy fresh items that will supplement all this stuff i already have. this week, i must use at least one item i already had in the house every night for dinner.

here's what i have to work with from the cupboard:

- half a box of rotini
- a package of scone mix (just add water! hello, breakfast)
- two jars (of different types of) curry sauce
- a package of pad thai sauce
- a can of black beans
- a package of parmesan noodles
- an unopened package of spaghetti

meanwhile in the freezer i found:
- four very nice looking steaks
- two meatless hamburgers

my hope is that if i actually use all this stuff up and put it to good use, a) it won't go to waste and b) i practically don't have to spend anything on groceries this week and i'm still going to have plenty of meal options.

here's hoping!

roots

'the tree of life' happened to me yesterday.

i put it that way intently.  i spent hours in the theatre mesmerized, dreaming, experiencing things i hadn't thought of.  crying for no reason - nothing sad was happening.  feeling happy, feeling uncomfortable.  feeling.  though i wouldn't dare try to deconstruct it, i can say i have positive feelings towards the experience - and a desire to touch and experience everything my world because of it.

i'd recommend it to anyone, i think.  but especially to those of us who are at a crossroads in life - a crossroads filled with "what have i been doing?" "what will i do next?"  "where am i going?"  "is it okay?" "am i grown up?"  "when will i be?"

 it won't give you answers.  if anything it will stir the pot.  but it is a step back - a step towards "just sit.  just think.  stop worrying, let life happen."  

children

this past weekend was our first taste in having kids and having friends with kids.

of course, we don't have kids and neither do our friends.  but in the year since we've last seen one our dear friends from college (a couple) they got a dog, and we got a dog.  so when they came to visit this past weekend, it only made sense that their child come along, and our child welcome her new friend into her home.

i think in the end, the dogs were pretty chill with one another, but alas they did have their moments of fighting, their moments of playing, their moments of just wanting their individual sets of parents attention.  but... isn't this exactly what a play date is?

at one point, while eating around the kitchen table, the dogs playing at our feet, one of us actually said "can't you two go in the other room and play?" and then we paused.  didn't our parents used to say that to us?

are we now the parents sitting around the table?  did our parents know as little about the world as we did when they sat around the same table, laughing, talking about grown up things that we and our playmates didn't understand?

granted, our children are dogs and 26 now is not what 26 was when my parents were sitting around that table.  but it did bear a striking resemblance to the 1980's, when beers were swished and chips were dipped and laughter came from the kitchen where i was pretty sure my parents knew all there was to know about the world.

the play date in action.

taking the out out of "take out" (the take, too)... okay fine we ate in on a friday night.

well, it was a friday night, and we were hungry.  we were going out for drinks to bid farewell to a friend who has made the logical (read: inevitable) decision to move out of the city to be closer to family and pay rent that equals the cost of my phone bill in brooklyn (WHAT.) so we weren't going to go out for an elaborate dinner.

options, options... and it always lands on... take out?

reasons why take out is optimal for a friday night:

-  it's easy
-  you've been at work all day and you're tired
-  clean up is minimal
-  it's delicious

other things to consider, though:

-  it costs at least $20-$30
-  it always takes longer than they say it's going to
-  you've been at work all day and you're tired and hungry
-  it's usually not that delicious

trader joe's cous cous, trader joe's
indian fare, hummus, pita,
shish kabobs from fresh direct

okay, okay - it's not always as doom and gloom as i'm painting it.  i'm sort of like grandpa joe and charlie convincing themselves that the golden ticket would've made the chocolate taste weird anyway -- i'm trying to stick to a budget and take out, while a valid option, didn't feel like a necessary way to spend $30 last night.

but i was truthfully tired, hungry, and didn't want to spend hours (or to be honest even minutes) cooking.

i opened the cabinets and refrigerator and found three separate - very easy - items that combined to make quite a meal.  you might have even chosen the same items were you perusing a take out menu!

trader joe's, fresh direct, and prepared hummus to the rescue!  using stuff we already had, we made chicken shish kabobs served with punjab choley and couscous with a side of hummus and pita.

it's hard to say what the total cost of this meal was in the end, because i pieced together things i already had.  but it was definitely a lot cheaper than going out, cheaper than take out, and rather tasty.

i'd really recommend trying to cook something easy and a little different on a friday night rather than getting take out before you go out to meet friends for a drink -- at least once and a while.  it was really more satisfying than take out would have been, and $30 more stayed in the piggy bank than would have had some pad thai gotten here on its own.

be a vegetable (once a week anyway).

in the past three days i've heard more than four references to the idea that you should "go vegetarian" at least once a week.   this excited me not because i want to save the animals (sorry, i grew up a suburban carnivore. bbqs are life.)  but rather because it's something i was already doing without thinking about it or categorizing or qualifying it.

i read a lot of "helpful tips" and by a landslide, my favorite tips are ones that describe something i'm already doing.  tips that preach something that i'm already doing are awesome because they make me feel like i was doing something right and/or came up with a really good idea on my own, and because they're really easy to follow.

i eat vegetarian dishes about once a week because they're usually at least two of the following:

1.   cheaper than meat

2.  "healthier" than meat (by healthier i mean mixing it up protein/fiber/grain-wise/vegetable can be good)

3.   delicious

tonight i made something that i have decided was all of the above.  i suggest you try it whether you are vegetarian, you tend to eat vegetarian from time to time, or you too read several times recently that you should really go vegetarian once a week.

polenta and black beans.

to make this dish you need: 

store bought pre-made polenta (it comes in a tube)

a can of black beans

shredded cheese (i used pepper jack)

store bought fresh salsa

lettuce

sour cream (optional)

guacamole (optional)

store bought fresh salsa is a great
time-saver and it tends to be delicious

instructions:

in a pot, cook your black beans on low heat.  i've done this for
anywhere from twenty minutes to up to an hour.  tonight g worked late, so i had some time to kill.  i started the beans and cooked them on a really low heat and walked away.  

you want to let your beans cook a while so that the flavors of what you add have time to seep in.  for this dish, i add some fresh salsa from the grocery store.  it costs $4 at the store near me (but that's a "gourmet market" in park slope brooklyn, so hopefully for you it's cheaper elsewhere) which is less than buying onions, tomatoes, garlic, jalapenos, and cilantro - and this saves you time, chopping, and accidentally touching your eye after handling jalapeno seeds (i've literally never not done that).  

add a spoonful or two of the salsa and stir it in.  add more as you desire as the beans start to cook down.  [tip:  if you accidentally let the beans sit too long and they stick to the bottom of the pot, adding some of the salsa will loosen it all up].

slice them like they're cookies.

with the beans cooking, grab a trusty frying pan and start heating some oil. 

pour salsa juice over the
heating polenta rounds.

now, open up your package of polenta and slice it into half inch rounds.  it's pretty much the exact same thing as those logs of cookie dough your mom used to buy - just slice it.

throw those in the frying pan.  you'll want to brown them on each side.  because polenta has no flavor on its own, i like to pour the excess juice from the fresh salsa over the top as they're cooking.  

once the polenta rounds are brown, throw some shredded cheese over them.  lower the heat on the pan and cover the pan so the cheese really melts (think of it like you're melting cheese on a cheeseburger.  oh no! meat! stay focused - this is vegetarian night.)

once your cheese is melted, it's time to plate.  put the cheesy rounds on a plate (five or so will do the trick for each person - you'll be surprised how filling the dish is) and cover them with black beans.  then add your toppings - lettuce, sour cream, guacamole, salsa - anything you want!  it's like a flattened gooey taco.

all in all this meal costs between ten and twelve dollars depending on where you shop and what toppings you want.  it could easily feed four or even six if you added an extra can of beans.  i wish i had thought of this in college!

apparently

me:    well, i guess i'm not going to be a famous actress after all.
g:       did you... want to be?
me:    no, but when i was a kid i always figured it was at least an outside possibility.

am i becoming too dependent on you? an open letter to pizza.

pizza,

last week we went to a concert on a wednesday night.  a friend played in manhattan, a new band, a new set up.  we ordered a beer, and then another.  socializing,  and then standing in the music air sipping, sipping.

as we walked to the train (earlier than others)  going out to eat didn't seem fair to the dog, who had been alone all day.  cooking didn't seem fair to us, who had been out and about all day.

steam escaped through your box as we carried it home, through snow,  and your cheese was still hot (delicious, delicious) as i bit into it. satisfying...

tonight we have a meeting after work.  "pizza, our friend - you'll be there for us, right?"

i wonder if i rely on you too easily these days,
and if "but we're busy and tired" will ever go away, at least until your invitation becomes "but we're old and tired"

i suspect this will be long term,

sincerely,
me

green with envy --> with green. (envious?)

so, the apartment we live in now is our second brooklyn place.  the first one was a super small place we got on a very big time crunch.  we didn't have much money, so it was a bit out of the way, and TINY.  it had doors separating rooms but it may as well have been a studio.  and undoubtedly it was filled with furniture that was cheap and about as inspired as the structure of the place was.

when we moved last april, i was hellbent on having an exciting, cool, we're-twenty-five-no-kids-live-in-brooklyn-fun-place apartment.  you know what i mean, right?  it's your second place - your first "real" place - it's gotta be one of the photo albums!  the one about which you say to your kids "oh, i LOVED our place on 18th street..."

before...
ikea's $99 BJÖRKUDDEN table

BUT!  being ThisAgeGroup means we're on budgets, right?  ones that don't generally allow for one's own home, which means renting a space, which means no painting walls.  fine art is out too.  and that budget also usually points to craigslist or [dare i say it] ikea when it comes to furniture.

i wanted a tall kitchen table with cool chairs around it.  the chairs i found on craigslist - the table... i could feel it coming the second i thought "tall table"... sent me to... yes... you guessed it: ikea.  against my hopes and dreams, i caved, ate some bbq spare ribs (which came with fries, and a drink... for only like $4.95. damn you, ikea!) and looked around for a table.

see, what i wanted was an awesome, artistic looking, green table.  which, at an upscale furniture or antique store could cost me upwards of $300.  ikea had a tall table, but all they had was tall tan wooden ones.  the price, however... $99.

after!  my green table with cool chairs.

end of the world?  no.  there happens to be a hardware store down the street.  i went there and picked out the perfect green, and got the smallest can they had.  that cost $15.  the guy at the store recommended using a primer if i was painting wood.  "the thing is, over time, it'll chip off if you don't."  over time isn't necessarily of my utmost concern currently (ah, twenty-five year olds. do we see permanence in nothing?)   "it's a cheap table," i said.  he let me go with just the paint.

the painting couldn't have been easier.  i sanded down the table a bit, threw a coat of paint on.  i let it dry and then went at it again.  by the end of the day, i had a green table, and my kitchen was a little bit more 'me'.  grand total: $114.



lesson learned:  as long as you're willing to spend a little time (and what else do we really have...?), there's no reason why cheap furniture has to mean lifeless dorm room furniture.